Still Numb

It’s been a difficult week. I dropped the kids at school this morning and sat in my car and sobbed.  I miss you so much dear Amy.

People tell me that things get easier, in truth the last few days have felt harder. I can’t exactly tell you why.

In part I think it’s because I read this week that one of Amy’s friends, Sheree (from her internet circle) died earlier this week from cancer. I didn’t know her, but I know Amy did; she was 39 and had two small boys. Another life lost to this horrible disease, another little family wrecked and two more kids left without their Mum.

I think what I find hard is that I know that thousands more will die and I can’t do anything to stop it, absolutely nothing. We all go on with our daily lives while the oncology ward of every hospital is packed with young women living with this insidious disease, many many of them with young families like ours.

I’ve been blown away by people’s love over the last couple of months. So many school Mums (and Dads) offering help, friends who I didn’t really know before Amy’s death have become closer.

Aside from the emotional weight it’s been a logistical headache over the last few weeks ensuring that the kids get to school, get their teeth brushed, have food to eat and that I get to work to ensure some semblance of normality.

Some people have risen to help, whereas some who I thought would help, who I thought would be there for me and the kids have vanished. Odd.

I’ve been to a few ‘family’ things recently with the kids and we’ve laughed and joked with everyone else, but I look at the other families and realise that our family is incomplete, my best friend isn’t here to share the jokes and it just hurts like hell.