Mom

My Mom died on October 13th she was 88. It was pretty sudden - she had been in hospital earlier in the week (she had a leg infection) and died a couple of days after being released to go home.

Although sudden it wasn't entirely unexpected as she hadn't been in the best of health since a heart attack and fall about 18 months previously.

I was glad that the three of us had been over to the UK to visit earlier in the year so the kids will have memories of their Grandma. She often spoke to Audrey and Elijah on the phone and always sent presents and little notes to them throughout the year. Eli's beloved Beano comic subscription was paid by Mom and he was always grateful for it. The kids will never get over losing their own Mum, but it was nice that they had a grandparent who was interested in them and spoke to them, despite being unable to offer much in the way of practical support being 10,000 miles away.

A whole mix of sad emotions. Mom and I spoke regularly on the phone. Mom had strong views on things but could equally be understanding and interested in the day-to-day. She was a good listener and had strong (sometimes entrenched) points of view.

Strangely, Mom's death made me realise even more the loss that Audrey and Eli felt when their Mum died. It's completely different of course - I'm an adult and Mom was 88.

Amy was 44 when she died (half of my Mom's age) and Eli and Audrey were aged 5 and 7 when their Mum died. And of course I didn't need the family support from my Mom. We spoke regularly on the phone and I miss that - but my kids had their whole world turned upside down and lost so much more than a relationship diluted down to a weekly phone call. I also have plenty of happy memories of my Mom - Audrey and Eli will never have 'adult' memories of their mother.

 

Families are precious things - where we connect ourselves to past, current and future generations. Mom's death means that my kids have lost a big connection to that past.

I can't think of anything else to add other than the list of things that we passed to David Wright for Mom's Eulogy/Review. It's kind of odd listing things as bullet points, but I thought I'd place it here for posterity in case someone is reading this in 250 years from now...

    

•  Margot had a special relationship with St. Johns – worshipping here for 20 years before getting married to Peter… And over the many decades since she has been an active member of the PCC, reading the lessons, helping a number of fellow worshipers to get to church over the years – the Bill Beard, Phyllis Cohen, … Marie Taylor to name a few

• She was also very open minded about other faiths - attending various other churches on the “away days” – not just other Christian churches – but Sikh, Hindu.. and even a humanist ceremony?

• Margot attended Wolverhampton Girls High school where she established some lifelong friendships – including her best friend Mollie with whom she enjoyed many biking holidays in the post-war years. Although Mollie moved to Falmouth in her twenties, they have remained steadfast friends ever since, Mollie even managing to crack the NHS telephone system to talk to Margot in hospital in the week before she died.

• Margot had a relatively short working life – frequently recalling episodes at the Quasi Arc in Bilston (aka Crazy Arc), then at Millers. She was in the Molineux crowd in 1949 to hear Winston Churchill.

• Mom and Dad's long marriage was very defining - 50 odd years - inseparable support, love and partnership. She ironed his shirts, he made the bed every day. He caught the fish, she cooked them.

• She successfully raised 3 handsome sons. So yes, she baked and cooked and made (slightly awful) wine. Trevor still has memories of us all picking dandelions one summer to make into wine - yuk, yuk, yukkity yuk! Ralph remembers the elderflower wine the worst.

• Margot also delivered driving lessons in a little blue Mini Metro – a car obtained from her cousins’ garage in Castlecroft. Mom supported Graham’s interests in Geology, driving him to Black Country Geological Society meetings. Helping ferry Ralph’s bags to/from University..

• All 3 sons have forged their lives away from Wolverhampton – all spending many years abroad. Mom proudly claiming 9 grandchildren. Graham and his wife Kerry in USA and more recently in Trinidad. Ralph and Sian in Holland and then Belgium. And now Trevor and his two children in Australia – with Mom providing an endless stream of Beano’s “down under”. Continuing the international theme two of the grandchildren are happily settled in Germany and in Spain.

• Mom and Dad did lots of things together – innumerable holidays in Malta and Portugal. Then on Dad’s retirement researching family tree – both the Bayley and the Hodgett’s connections, plus computer literacy courses, local history – Bantock House, Wightwick Manor. The loss of Dad in 2012 had a big effect on Margot, but she carried on determinedly although clearly only one half of a partnership.

• She was always interested in local history, and liked  to read the Black Country Bugle. Very thrifty, really hating throwing stuff away – had a bit of a problem with newspapers – they just kept coming faster than she could get rid of them! Interested in gardening … very entertaining to hear when the gardener had chopped the wrong plant down!

• She had a dry sense of humour which was surely been put to the test with her lifelong interest in the Wolves. She kept abreast of their latest results “How did the Wolves do?” was a common refrain in later life.

• She also liked cricket – Ralph suspects she had a bit of a crush on John Emburey, and was rather amused by Allan Knott. She let Trevor skive off school to go and see Ian Botham when his walk came through Wolverhampton (he got caught as he was in both local TV news stories).. And we can all remember Botham's heroics at Headingly - we were all on a picnic with her mother and we listening to updates on a Morris Marina car radio. 1981, blimey that was a long time ago!

• Highly knowledgeable – and she continued to keep up to date with current affairs (interested in understanding customs unions, internal markets - a committed “Remainer”).

• Mom was fundamentally very stoical – She didn't like making a fuss, and didn’t really like being made a fuss of. Never complaining – despite several health issues over many years (arthritis, loss of one kidney, hip replacements, glaucoma, heart problems).

• While she was often seen as very private person, In the last few years she’d had to accept her loss of independence and gratefully accepted help to enable her to stay living at home. Thanks to those who helped her manage this. And a straightforward funeral service. Which is what she would have wanted. No fuss.